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D’Oh Canada! Justin Trudeau: Statesman or Spendthrift?

by John Brian Shannon | November 9, 2015

One of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s first official acts as the elected leader of the great and noble country of Canada, was to offer a free airplane flight home to the former Prime Minister of Canada, Mr. Stephen Harper.

Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau (2015)

Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau (2015)

In any other country this sort of thing would be considered normal courtesy for a new Prime Minister to bestow upon the outgoing Prime Minister. But not in Canada. Noooo. Here, the wailing has just begun.

And before it’s all through, I’d expect the country to lose about 1000 extra trees and gallons of newspaper ink in order to properly cover the latest (purported) fiasco perpetrated by a Canadian Prime Minister.

Harrumph! “We caught you on the first day!” Or something to that effect.

It’s all so small-time

In a real country like, oh, (name any country) this so-called story wouldn’t have made the last page of any newspaper let alone the front page.

But here in Canada, some are now lining up to offer the new Prime Minister a lesson in spending ‘their’ money — as if they paid for the whole trip themselves.

And it is their money. Or a portion of it. The free ride home for former Prime Minister of Canada has cost each Canadian 1/3rd of a cent.

[According to unnamed sources, flying Stephen Harper to his home city of Calgary and returning the government aircraft to Ottawa cost $110,000 CAD. Divide that cost into 35,000,000 Canadians and you get 1/3rd of one cent, per capita. If you come up with a different math result, please advise. Wouldn’t it be exciting if I was wrong and it cost each Canadian 1/2 a cent per Prime Ministerial term? Woot! Free TimBit for you!]

Yes folks, that’s what it’s all about. Each Canadian citizen has paid one-third of one cent to fly the former PM home and return the empty jet to Ottawa

On the other hand, it has probably cost at least $1,000,000 for the ink, newsprint and internet use to publicize this (purported) scandalous waste of each taxpayers’ 1/3rd of a cent.

Aren’t we lucky this is a one-time only cost that we all bear at the end of each PM’s time in office?

If this sort of frivolous spending keeps up, each Canadian could conceivably be in for a whole cent over the course of 15 years — assuming we get a new PM every 5 years. Which has been known to occur.

But it’s the principle of the matter!

Slow news days raise our principles, don’t they?

The Americans must be dying with laughter

It reminds me of a Monty Python sketch called The Funniest Joke in the World where the British Army obtained the lines to the funniest joke in the world and broadcast the joke to the German soldiers across the WWII front — and the joke being so funny, would have the German soldiers dying of laughter in the German trenches. And according to the sketch, that is how the Brits won the Second World War. Jolly Good, mates!

It’s even funnier if you read the previous paragraph aloud in John Cleese’s highbrow British accent. Your kids will love you.

But is that any way to treat our American cousins? They read our newspapers… so it follows that stories like this could become injurious to their health.

So far, Canadians seem to be impervious to this new weapon.

And now for Something. Completely. Different!

The security of Canada’s military, economic, industrial, and social fabric was protected last week in dramatic fashion by the new Canadian Prime Minister, Mr. Justin Trudeau — a man of excellent pedigree, impeccable credentials and uncommon statesmanship.

Mr. Trudeau, recently elected to Canada’s highest office, had the foresight and courage to arrange a high level of transportation security for the one person in Canada most likely to know every single Canadian military, economic, and industrial secret of the past decade, the former Prime Minister of Canada, Mr. Stephen Harper.

Mr. Trudeau performed this courageous act knowing full well that he’d be under fire for years to come from ‘extremist commentators’ within Canada. j/k

Due to Mr. Trudeau’s actions, Canada’s official secrets — all of which are known by the former Prime Minister of Canada, Mr. Stephen Harper — have now been deemed safe by unnamed experts in Canadian security.

Mr. Harper has been further advised to call the 911 operator at least 30 minutes in advance of any surprise abduction or interrogation attempt by foreign enemies that may wish to gain access to Mr. Harper’s extensive knowledge of Canada’s official secrets. The former Prime Minister was keen to agree to the plan, saying that it had been his great privilege to serve the wonderful and generous citizens of Canada.

D’Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee!

Unless it costs more than 1/3rd of a cent per capita.

Maybe the Americans would be kind enough to help us defray some of these costs. Things (like the costs of being a real country) are getting out of hand these days!